Reflections of Life

I wrote this in 2020 and it still applies today. Updated for 2024:

After a couple days of being back to work doing Cafecito Caliente, I am tired. Meetings, updating the website, taking care of details, adding contacts, bothering folks for info, this meme reminds me of my interactions with some people.

I get asked often, what is it I really do? I have been told to focus on one thing. To tell the truth, I am tired of explaining the philosophy of Cafecito. Not sure anyone would ever believe me anyways.

I hope as you read this, you yourself should know you do not owe anyone any explanation as to who you are, what you do or even why you do it. Just do you, be you and recreate you if you must. Why settle for less in 2024?

– off my soapbox

I see it all the time. People trying to rebuild their life due to divorce, the end of a relationship, or those ones that are “tired of being tired” because their life turned out to be nothing like they dreamed about when they were day dreaming at the age of 17. I was one of those ones many years ago when my significant other and I decided that life wasn’t the same anymore and I had to sit there and decide where do I go from here after a soon to be divorce?

First and foremost God got me thru anything and everything. All credit goes to him. Took me awhile but I followed my passion for working with kids and my parents idea of community involvement. I got involved in an education group, but what I found to be true more then anything was that I had to choose what type of people to run with? I am constantly amazed at who I have actually had the pleasure of getting to know over lunch or coffee. Students, business owners, 30s somethings with dreams but no idea where to start, people lost in the world but wanting to wipe the slate clean from their past.

I have been so blessed to have my parents, family and friends as a cheering section in my life, but one key philosophy that I had told many people prior to my divorce that I focused on was “it doesn’t matter where you have been, it only matters where you are going”. Sometimes that ADHD kicks in too much as I tend to sleep very little and stay busy learning about something or somebody to learn who they are and what makes them tick. Not to pry, but so that I can either learn from them and apply their ideas to my own life, or take their ideas and share them with others. Some people are so willing to run their mouths, but rare is the person who takes the time to listen. Listen closely and you will find who that person wants to be in your life.

We have heard it before: you get out of life what you put into it. But ask yourself this, on this Friday morning, what are you putting into your life? Who are you allowing into your life and more importantly who are you allowing to influence your life? Friend of mine wrote recently that they wondered what’s up with those friends who don’t seem to care about her as much as she does about them? We all have those people who seem to just suck the life out of us. Keep them away. I didn’t say get rid of them, just spend more time with those that lift you up with encouraging words, positive vibes and value your time more. Look for those that are moving in a positive direction.

When I sat down many years ago, I didn’t have many of either as I really didn’t have many friends at all. As with most failed marriages, friends scatter to not be involved. I definitely understood. As I moved forward, I wanted positive people and even if they had some drama in their own life, that was cool as long as they were pushing forward. Even if you fall forward, you move forward right? I looked for a mentor and found a very good one.

So don’t be afraid to ask for help if you fall into the “okay I want to rebuild my life but don’t know where to begin” category. Heck ask me out for coffee and I can definitely share an idea or two AFTER I listen. Point is, ask for help if you are not sure of where to begin. This weekend take a long look at those around you. As the saying goes, “show me your 10 best friends and I will show you who you are”. ~ off my soapbox.

We see or hear this too often. Friends who tell you that their marriage is over. Reasons? Not getting along. She doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t pay attention to me. We get time together and he goes to sleep. The words “I love you” are said plainly. All we do is argue. Or the classic one: “I don’t feel his/her love” or “I don’t feel that I love him/her anymore.

Marriage is forever people. It’s not about how you feel each day. You took wedding vows that stated that MARRIAGE IS FOREVER which means that if something isn’t right, you work on it til it is. Much love and respect to all those wonderful couples that I know that practice this.

For those that struggle and wonder when the marriage will return to the happiness that once was, I challenge you to wake up each day with the idea that you will do one thing that expresses your love to your GOD GIVEN SPOUSE. Marriage is not an obligation, it’s a blessing from God – off my soapbox 

I remember a few years back after a birthday taking the time to say, “thank you” on Facebook and sharing a memory that I had with each and every person that wished me a Happy Birthday. In the age of social media, where more relationships are being started then one would like to believe, I used to know everyone on my FB list personally. That is not true anymore, but I can honestly say that I have met so many wonderful people and heard plenty of amazing stories that have inspired me each and every year.

Hitting the age of 59, I took some time to reflect on where I am at, and where am I heading. I consider myself very shy and an introvert, but I obviously love to get involved with projects and communities. Coke and Pepsi like to influence others with advertising and marketing as they build their brand and attempt to sway people to buy what they are selling. But we too have a “Brand” to build: Ourselves.

We have to decide what it is we are promoting though. For many of us, we struggle to promote what we believe as we don’t want to force what may be a tricky subject to others. Some don’t care how they influence others. Maybe it’s faith in Jesus, or maybe a family atmosphere, or education. Perhaps you promote your culture or a happy go lucky style. Regardless of what it is, people are watching. It might be our kids, it might be our parents, or significant other or maybe, a potential significant other. Your coworkers and neighbors watch as well. We all have influence over others and how we use that influence is up to us. It’s a responsibility that should not be taken lightly.

We all have let a few people down from time to time and we can only say sorry and that we will try harder. We are human but that doesn’t always bring the trust back or take the sting away from those we hurt. You can also offer to help, play moderator or suggest a better pathway. Life is full of choices and they will make theirs. So as I build my “Brand”, I hope that many of you will pay closer attention to the brand that you build and realize, yes you do influence others with the way you act, the decisions you make and the goals you strive for. But ask yourself, what exactly is it you’re promoting? And then ask, are you putting your passion into (place your name here) to get the results you want and how are you influencing others with who you are? Lastly, are you helping to make those around you better?

Thanks again for all the love on my birthday – off my soapbox.

Reflections of Life

Church youth programs influenced my life greatly. I grew up in the Cristo Rey Church Youth Group. It was officially organized back in February of 1977. We had a couple of meetings to plan out a night of fun. Youth Activity Night brought in about 50 kids mostly from the Northside of Lansing. That night we met Margaret Salinas or better known as Maggie Salinas. One of the games we played was “Balloon Football”. It was the first time I experienced Church in a fun and community type setting away from Sunday Mass. Youth leaders back then were Emily Gonzalez and Elizabeth Hernandez. We would sometimes sit in an odd shaped circle when we came together for meetings and I would position my chair behind Emily and Elizabeth. I was that shy. I can honestly say I don’t remember much about what we did at our meetings, but Maggie kept it fun, social and with scripture.

Car washes to raise money led to Boblo Island and Cedar Point trips. Many of us had fun at Boblo, but that boat ride was awesome. Who can forget the hayrides when we were introduced to the family from Bethel Farms. The deal was they treated us to a night of fun as long as they could “talk to us” about their work. They would take in some kids who needed some guidance. It was a Ministry. Those hayrides were nights to remember. One of the last times we went, Quasi Romero and a few other kids disappeared into the apple trees and well, Maggie let them have it. Bethel Farms would be sold and last I knew the Farm had a different Ministry on it.

Do I dare bring up the YMCA? So many good times there. We had the run of the place and the goal was to stay up all night. Many of us did. One time, we really had the run of the place including the racquet ball courts. Oh the memories. How about Family Nights on Monday night? We would come together for a shortened service at the altar, then downstairs for a meal. And then outside for softball. Some nights we had as many as 35-40 people playing ball. Board games for the older folks and all together we could have anywhere from 50-100 building community.

Going back a little, when the Church moved out of Cristo Rey Community Center and to the Washington Ave address, many of us kids spent a few days a week at the Church cleaning up, painting, and whether we knew it or not, building relationships that would last a lifetime. We were given our very own room that we used for weekly Monday night meetings. The Fiesta came along and we took over the Coke Wagon from my own parents Ben and Hilda Benavides. It became our hangout during the Fiesta. We had a sense of belonging. Maggie had us do Secret Santa a couple times and always seemed to connect with us. She was there for us and really, who didn’t love Maggie?

Stations of the Cross was started in 1980 and back then, it was the Youth Group that performed it at the altar. Ellie Barajas and myself were the narrators of the last one done by the kids in 1982. The following year in 1983, the Stations of the Cross was taken to the streets as it does to this day. Many of us participated in Diocesan retreats. In 1982, our officers, Jerry Singletery as Vice President, Ellie Barajas as Secretary, Tony Singleterry Sargent at Arms, and myself as President, decided we wanted our own retreat. Other than the speakers, we organized and led it ourselves which potentially could have been a disaster as I myself had to deal with a breakup with my girl who found a new boyfriend in the group. I struggled as a 17 year old that day and it was then that I realized that us kids could actually have serious issues to discuss. We weren’t kids anymore.

So many of us students would go to Cathechism on Sunday or Sunday School as most know it. A few of us would go 9:00 Mass, Cathechism, 12:00 Mass and then stay til 2:00pm for pan dulce or whatever the kitchen was selling. You would see a couple hundred people downstairs between masses, getting coffee and something to eat before we hurried to class and leaving about 100-125 people for the Adult Education. Some of us actually helped run the Nursery. Bet most of you forgot that huh?

Maggie would move on and in came the Singleterry’s. Ramiro and Mary would take over. Then Paul and Natalie Tabor. Then some guy named Sein. Next up a Lady named Dominguez. Then Lupe Castillo and present day Josie McCloud. The names changed, but the Youth Program still means as much to the current group of students as it does to the many who came through the Youth Group since 1977. As I have sat in the back of the Church the last few weeks, I can say I absolutely love being “home”. Fr. Fred can still bring a message home each Sunday and Deacon Rogelio can too. Easter is a time of renewal. Lent was always my favorite time of year.

My final couple years as Youth Director, I used an old coffee can with a candle in it. Lights off, and the kids were given strips of paper. We would open with scripture, I would lead in prayer, then each student would write their sins, mistakes, errors on those strips. We would then allow for open prayer and students could offer the things they felt comfortable sharing. Back to prayer for strength and to ask for forgiveness for those things on the strips of paper before placing those strips in the coffee can. The idea was that we would take those things that separate us from Jesus, take it to the Cross as the little fire in the coffee can represented the burning away of those things. And yes, I had several boxes of tissue for the roughly 40-50 students we had.

I am not sure where I would be, or who I would be had it not be for all the different experiences the Church youth program gave me. Much love and respect to all those people who were with me, those who passed, and for all those who have been under the guidance, care and love of Lupe Castillo and Josie McCloud.

Little did we know then, and maybe, just maybe some don’t realize it today, but it really was God who brought us together then. Maybe, he might be calling us today during this time of renewal. God Bless!

It was a very dark time on a personal level. The exterior was all smiles, yet my heart was dying. Many people talk about changing their lives, getting rid of bad habits or saying “just gonna do me”. Maybe they are trying to let go of someone they loved or just want to be loved.

Set a plan in writing. If the plan to change takes 6 months, a year or five years, that’s okay. But have a plan. Update it as you go. But stick to the plan. Kobe Bryant during every off season was known to practice daily making 800 shots a day. Not taking, making.

I see and meet so many people who deserve so much more in their life yet, they sit back and contemplate life as I did. I shed a tear or two that night with my coffee and laptop in front of me and none of the 40 people in that Bigby’s in East Lansing noticed and even if they had, they wouldn’t care. Why should they? On that night I surrounded myself with people who didn’t know me.

Is this what people do? Surround yourselves with folks who know you but don’t really, really know you? Then when obstacles show up, you feel as though you are the only one going through this. I was sad that night, not lonely. But I didn’t bother to put anyone next to me who would encourage me or remind me that I could get past this time in my life. We really aren’t alone folks.

We ourselves deserve so much more than life has given us. Why is it so many of us choose to “stand” with those that do nothing for us instead of spending time with people who will lift us up, encourage us and yes love us for who we are?

My own brother Fabian reminded me that night that it’s God’s expectations of us rather than our own that matter most. Sometimes, we just need to put the right people in our life to help us get what we deserve in our life. God never intended for us to be sad or without. But we have to make the first move. Start positioning yourself to be around those who truly care about you. So, what’s your next move? ~ off my soapbox.

As I reflect on life I remember a video that was shown in my church back when I was 16. It was what appeared to be a “futile attempt” by the adults of the church to show our youth program a story about life and the value of inner beauty. About 50 of us kids sat there not too interested in this short video about native customs. Although many of us laughed at the video that day, it did strike home. Today I see so many people in their daily lives just living and accepting what life has given them and accepting that life and they themselves won’t get any better. They come on Facebook and share everything from “a love gone wrong” to “who did them wrong” to what they had for breakfast.

My workplace once tried to “motivate” their employees by using the slogan “I add value”. Didn’t work, but I often wonder if the people I encounter know how “they add value?” I have so many fascinating friends that have so much to offer the community, their friends, their families, their significant other and yet because they assume they are not needed or not good enough, they let the opportunity go and don’t offer an encouraging word or make the attempt to deepen the relationship. I hear many quote the Good Book, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. But yet many wait til either a tragedy occurs or til it hits the point where an apology is extremely uncomfortable to offer. We want the other side to treat us better, but yet we have inside of us an inner beauty that can bring out the best in the other person and if we have to bite our tongues a little, so what? Will it really hurt that much?

I admire the many marriages, relationships and friendships that are based on chemistry, love, hard work and of course God’s love. Many of us look for the perfect partner or perfect friend. We see others that have wonderful relationships and wonder either why them or why not me? But we can have what they have but how do we get that? We have to simply work harder on the relationship by communicating and asking our love or friend what their needs and wants are. But we also have to share our needs and wants. We can work on building chemistry by seeking to share in a friend’s passion for a charity or hobby.

We seek an answer from God, not by just praying but by actually going to church every Sunday and perhaps even getting involved. We offer love from the magical “I love you’s” to the “I so appreciate you in my life” statements. Those are great but there has to be more. But if you know your value and what you can offer to any soul, why not offer your best at all times? So many think “the other person doesn’t always deserve my best” but yet you will sit back and wonder why didn’t the relationship work when it was you that could have taken that extra effort.

And if you struggle with any of these, seek help through a friend, book or a Pastor. It’s too easy to walk away and find another partner in this age of 5 yr marriages. Best friends are precious. You don’t find the perfect partner. You find that person and create the perfect relationship.

I knew a woman who offered a book on marriage to her best friend. Her best friend refused to read the book so she read the book for her then relayed that wisdom to her. Her marriage was one blessed by God, but she wanted to learn a little more to help her best friend through her dysfunctional marriage. Now that’s love and knowing she could add value to her best friend.

We all have that type of inner beauty inside of us. We can position ourselves to use that inner beauty for our benefit and the benefit of those around us. So I ask you, do you add value? And what one thing can you do today that will show “your loved ones” that you add value to their life? Perhaps, you are showing them how they add value to your life? Perhaps you are teaching them to love you at the same time? So, are you working that inner beauty that you and only you uniquely have?

Okay, off my soapbox. . .

Reflections of Life: While working at the Domino’s Pizza store in East Lansing in 1985, Sundays were crazy as we would sell hundreds and hundreds of pizzas to MSU students. One particular day an older manager named Phil, would do the routing of the pizza deliveries which meant that he would send different orders on the same delivery with one driver. We would come back from the streets only to have another delivery waiting for us. Time after time, the driver before me would get 2-3 different orders to the same building on Campus. I would get 3 different deliveries to 3 different buildings. Finally at the end of the night I would question Phil, why would you keep sending me to different buildings when most of the other drivers got to take deliveries that were pretty close to each other? Phil’s response: “Sein, you were the only one dumb enough to take them”.

At the end of the night I remember feeling like I had contributed by taking all those different deliveries and delivering them in 30 minutes or less. We were paid by the hour, in tips, and bonuses for a lot of deliveries. I made less then the rest of the drivers that night. On that night I parked illegally several times, ran thru the hallways of the dorms, almost got clotheslined by a student (but got an extra tip and seen him chastised by the ladies who witnessed it), and all and all had fun contributing to “The Team”.

Grinding out that day, busy at all times and yet at the end of the day was I really productive? I had less tips then the others and probably used more gas money then the rest in my beautiful Delta 88. My manager Phil meant well, but thank God he never became a Life Coach because he knew nothing about direction or making the most of his people. Or did he? He took advantage of one and utilized the rest of the team quite well. Ever feel like that? People you would think should care about your best interests, treat your friends/coworkers better then you and in the end, they end up with more than you?

We all go about our daily lives and stay busy from dawn to dusk and for some of us, thru the night with our jobs. How many of us look back and say I wish I would have done this, or done that only to repeat the mistakes of the past and use the excuse that we are too busy to add something positive to our life or we wait on changing the direction of our life until “we get past this current drama”? I see it all the time on FB and hear it in real life: “I am about to make some changes and some of you might not like it or be a part of it”. But yet six months later, the same things are being said because we get distracted by people or incidents and we are back at square one!

We all start off well for a few days or even a week but sure enough we are back at it with the the BF/GF or running with the same crowd on weekends. “Phil” influenced my day big time that ONE day, but not my whole life (Thank God!) Questions you need to ask is do you have someone like “Phil” directing your life? Who the heck is directing your “busy” life anyways? Are you truly believing that you deserve more than life has given you and if so, what will it take until you stick with the plan to take you there? So, who is influencing your life? – off my soapbox

THIS IS A REPOST FROM AUGUST OF 2018

Looking back at my life prior to hitting my late twenties, what stood out to me was the community that I was apart of. My family always seemed to be at the ballpark. It was where we seen all the families. Families such as Montalvo, Gomez, Medrano, Lopez, Castilla, etc. The community was one, at the park. Oh sure, they competed on the fields, but we belonged to one family. This wasn’t a race thing, it was whoever showed up. And if you were there, the Latino community claimed you and you were forever apart of “Us”.

Yesterday, Cafecito Caliente had the chance to bring together the Women’s Latin Leagues from 1973 to 1989. Such a flashback as I witnessed so many hugs, smiles, laughter led by the women of those years. With all due respect to the Cristo Rey Fiesta which has been the site of 40 years of gatherings of our community, this was different. The women took the field, and I say this with humor and seriousness, they took the field where the Lansing Lugnuts play like they owned it. To see their faces, and their responses after they came off the field was magical.

The Latin League players were recognized for their playing for 17 years in the Lansing area. But, reality is, they gave us a reason to gather, thus gave us a way to be a community back then. There was no Facebook back then and we still knew each others business, only we didn’t mind it as much as we do today. We live in a broken world and the Latino community as we know it today is no different. So many families do not even speak to each other within the family. Make no mistake, the generations before us never intended it to be that way.

Yesterday, the Latino community was one. Sure, we numbered about 400-450, so many were missing, but yet were they? So many people were in our hearts, the memories of yesteryear and who didn’t smile when we seen Matilde Gomez and seen the tears she shed? I was Blessed to have talked to quite a few of the players over the last couple weeks and to hear their excitement, to listen to the love they had for their fellow players was deeply touching.
Yesterday, if you weren’t in attendance, a bunch of women who decided to pick up a bat, ball and glove years ago, taught us that we can all be equal on the same field, at the park and in life. They reminded us how deeply they care about each other and our community. They showed us what family is supposed to look like blood related or not. They showed us how when one of their own is not in the best of health sitting in a wheelchair, that they are still so loved as they sit in wheelchairs. You reminded us that an older generation still has some value and deserve our love and attention. They reminded us of a time when life was simple and you just had to be you and show up to the park despite the aches, pains and bruises that softball players got used to (sounds like life huh?). You reminded us how to be proud again the right way.

Much thanks to the Lansing Lugnuts for allowing Cafecito Caliente the freedom to create a memorable day for the 7th year in a row. A special shout out to Eric Pionk, Group Sales Rep and Tyler Parsons who is in his first year as General Manager of the Lugnuts. Eric, listened to every wish we had, figured out how to make it all work and even had to make his own on the field decisions changing the Cafecito lineup during the pregame which turned out to be a winning move. Tyler has taken a proactive role with the Latino community and is making plans to create a 3 day weekend for our Gente in 2019.

Most importantly, they reminded us of how to be a community again. The Latino community has taken its hits, especially in the last couple years. But we did back then too and these Latin Leagues continued to show up each Sunday and made our lives a little better and provided a support system whether we knew it or not. Much thanks to all those who made it out to the park to support the Latino Leagues.

To the Latin League Women Players: If you have ever experienced a 3 day Church retreat, you know the first day, you get comfortable. The second day, you finally get into it during the afternoon and are deeply emotional by night time. On Sunday, your feeling invincible. Monday is the big day. Will you keep in touch with each other? Will you choose to become a little more involved in the Latino community? I can’t thank you all enough for showing up. In life, that’s huge! Just showing up is how we change lives. Thank you for touching a community and my hope is this isn’t the last we will see of you as a group or as individuals. The Latino community needs you more now than ever.

Much love and respect to all of you Ladies, te quiero mucho! – off my soapbox 

When I was in High School I was chosen several times for a team that led three day church retreats for other High School students in the region. Anyone who has ever experienced a retreat or a day long conference knows the feeling of being refreshed and ready to take on the world. You have been energized as you have met with like minded people who share your passion for whatever the conference/retreat focused on.

When the conference or retreat ends, we have to go back to our lives. So then what? We walk back into our lives ready to take on the world. We have made a decision to change our lives and maybe even change the world. Enough of the drama, negativity and so called friends. Onward towards success, love, prosperity, happiness and we are ready to sing kumbaya.

One of the many Pastors I met thru those retreats taught us to be ready for the “Fourth Day”. That was the day after you left your retreat and back into the real world. We all have experienced it. We get back to school, the office, our friends, family and they either make fun of your experience or they don’t understand they too have to start living the dream. They are the dream stealers, doubters and yes sometimes the haters. By the end of the ‘Fourth Day”, we have lost all enthusiasm and all that excitement is gone within 24 hours.

So what can we do? It’s a couple weeks after Easter in which so many of us missed out on Church, family and friends. Easter is about forgiveness and second chances. Many finished giving up something for lent or perhaps doing good deeds. But once lent is over, bring on the soda or return to cussing (fess up). That Pastor had a good plan of attack. It was set a schedule for 3, 6 months to a year.

Many say they want to get their life right. Well find a church and commit to going for six months. During the week spend 10-15 minutes a day reading scripture in your bible or on your phone (you will read FB more then 10 minutes a day right?). Want to get your finances right, get a financial planner who can guide you and stick to his advice for one year. Want a new career? Take a class each semester for one year or go on You Tube and do a search for what interests you and plan on spending 2-3 hours a week learning. Commit to six months of this. You will be amazed at what skills you can pick up there. Want to help your kids with homework? Go to the Khan Academy website and try a few categories there.

Thinking of eating healthier? There are plenty of fitness sites to help guide your for calorie counting, recipes and workouts. Follow it for one solid year. Here’s the catch: NO EXCUSES AND STICK TO THE PLAN EACH AND EVERY DAY. Find a couple people and share what you are doing and keep them posted on your progress. Support is there from good friends and family who truly care. Over the years I realized this Pastors wisdom was much more then he explained. I met him again at Notre Dame at a Youth Ministry Conference and he explained that the “Fourth Day” was anything that caused me to stumble. Maybe it was losing a job. Or a breakup with a loved one. Maybe its only seeing your kids 6 days a month after a divorce. Whatever the case may be, the “Fourth Day” is really “Reality”.

We all have had those inspired moments in life where we hear a sermon, or experience a great three day retreat, conference or even watched a movie that moved us. Change doesn’t happen overnight and neither will the people around you. Your environment might not have changed on the Fourth Day, but you have so are you willing to put in the work to change your life? Write down your goals and memorize them. Create a plan and stick to it for six months or up to a year. Feeling alone in all this? Guess what? You were born with everything you need to succeed and be happy. Easter has passed and sadly that Pastor I once knew passed as well (RIH Fr. John Phelps). But your “Fourth Day” is upon you. We were born to be Champions. Isn’t it about time we start acting like it? Good luck on your Fourth Day. Much love and God Bless.

Off my soapbox. . .